Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4892 of 6446

I just hate it when I flip someone off and then realize I'm still wearing my mittens.
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11-07-2011 20:03
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DQ's new "caramel nut roll" sounds like...ah hell, we all know exactly what it sounds like.
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11-07-2011 21:15
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If you speak in third person… it is safe to assume you are talking to yourself as no one wants to hang out with a douche bag.

My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat!
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11-12-2011 12:31
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putting the fun back in funeral
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05-06-2011 14:20 by Boomernic
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how badass would it be if USA came out in Mighty Duck's jerseys?
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07-07-2011 20:36
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I hate it when am standing at the back of the queue and someone asks me "is this the end of the queue? no it's not, it's the front and today we have decided to queue facing backwards
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07-11-2011 11:17
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.I only ever go where I'm needed, and by needed I mean go where the cookies are.
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07-12-2011 14:29
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The only thing worse than having to sit through countless worthless commercials is remembering that you're watching a recorded program but not until after watching back to back menopause commercials.
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07-12-2011 15:58 by DooDoo
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Watching the x games, live on the toilet on espn, on my iphone... The future is here ppl
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07-30-2011 14:10 by Tonez
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Pretend you're a giant panda by giving yourself two black eyes, eating bamboo shoots and refusing to have sex with your wife.

for lent, I'm giving up fat sticking to my body!!
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03-08-2011 19:35
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An Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you will love it!"

If you dont like me remember its mind over matter, I dont mind and you dont matter!
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03-15-2011 03:00 by RoN
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So you need some excitement in her life? Go buy a pet hippo or badger. Problem solved!
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01-28-2011 13:55
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As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
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02-03-2011 01:27 by Laura
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looking fo a site where I can find old as well as new friends and maybe see some pics of what they look like now. Any ideas?
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02-03-2011 17:32 by Steve OH
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just when I thought Roethlessberger couldn't look anymore like a douche he goes and proves me wrong by shaving his beard....
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02-07-2011 13:42
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noticed that Mick Jager and Hugh Hefner sure are looking alot these days

The Sun... Woman dies after having special resin injected into buttocks... Gavin from Autoglass has gone too far this time!
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02-15-2011 09:36 by @clarkysj
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