Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4884 of 6371
Height of tension:Obama updated his status on Facebook "Osama is dead."Justice has been done,after a few minutes Obama gets a notification "Osama has liked your status ".
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05-14-2011 11:33
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I wish the Dollar Store would sell gas...
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05-14-2011 11:11 by Nperry22
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I'm glad won first place at the tournment. But somehow being know as "County Cornhole Champion" doesn't sound all that great.
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05-14-2011 10:35
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Expect the Best, be prepared for the Worst, F$%k what others think & do your own thing!
Why is paracetamol white?......... because it works.
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05-14-2011 08:01
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Just found out, Microsoft bought skype for $$8.5Mil??? Idiots !!!! I knw Bill Gates has the money, but that fool could have downloaded it for freee !!
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
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05-14-2011 03:45
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I DONT HAVE ANY TEQUILA... BUT THERE'S NO REASON you CANT STILL LICK, SUCK AND SWALLOW
REALLY don't know what this flys problem is outside smackin up against my window..but I'm sorry...I won't let him in, I don't trust strangers...
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05-14-2011 01:48
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wishes Narnia was real, then she would have more room in her closet...
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05-14-2011 01:06
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No... I'm not lazy... I'm just resting up for my 30's... (I got a lot planned)
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05-14-2011 01:01 by maria
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I just ate Skittles for the first time in 30 years. I hate to tell you this... but the rainbow tastes like crap.
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05-14-2011 00:51
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I think that the Goo Goo Dolls & Lady Gaga should go on tour together...the Goo Goo Gaga Tour!!
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05-14-2011 00:29
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The single hand that wipes your tears during your failures is better than the countless hands that come together to clap you on your success.
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05-14-2011 00:11
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On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. ( the shoplifters special??)
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05-13-2011 23:28 by maria
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I hate When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
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05-13-2011 23:26 by maria
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I hate When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
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05-13-2011 23:24 by maria
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you know I love you like a fat kid loves cake.. But i'm on a diet
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05-13-2011 23:20
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I just got a pre-declined credit card in the mail...wtf!
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05-13-2011 23:18
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thinks.... if he where have heard, even 10 years ago..."I google it and then facebook you the answer since I don't do tweets"... I would haved asked you what kind of drugs you were on...
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05-13-2011 23:13
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