Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Today I ate a salad and got a ton of sleep. I don't think my body is used to either and may possibly be rejecting both.

   some say that Justin Bieber is the father of Rebecca Blacks baby....but its not true...There is no way 1 girl can impregnate another

   the comfort I get from bringing my own pillow on the plane doesn't quite outweigh the shame of carrying my own pillow thru the airport

   It's called BE-YOU-tiful, not BE-FAKE-tiful...

   wondering if Saddam ever said to Osama 'What you need to do is employ people who look exactly like you so they can be found instead.'

   Wonderbra: So named because once you get it off her, you wonder where the boobs went.

   if you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.

   if you post that you are sleeping, you are clearly a liar.

   Its hard to work when the theme song to the Gummi Bears cartoon is running through your head

   wonderbra was designed by Harry Houdini

   The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you're talking to yourself..!!

   Everyone has their obsession, consuming thoughts,consuming time

   Who can really hear themselves thinking?

   What others perceive,what others think,what does that has to do with you? World's a game,why you should be playing by their rules

   realized that alcohol is not the answer,it just makes you forget the question

   condoms please; --need a bag?; --no need, this time she's not that ugly

   Chivalry is dead. And women killed it.

   has beat anorexia, thanks everyone for your support, now pass the bacon buffet

   They say, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get". Maybe its just me but........wont you get........chocolate??

   to do list- 1) shoot video confession. 2) sign over house and children to the bank. 3) make fritters for Parole Officer.