Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4873 of 6370
The wife and I to spice things up have been getting into S&M. But it can be dangerous so you have to have a safety word. Mine is "bor....ing"
no it is not daughters week, or son's week or mothers or fathers week! If ya really give a sh!t about them, go to their house, look them in the eye and tell them!
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05-18-2011 00:00
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I just winked at myself in my side view mirror...I must have my game on!?
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05-17-2011 23:49
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Zombie squirrels will feast on your nuts.
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05-17-2011 23:37 by ff1241
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WOW!!!! Gas is $3.85 what happened to $3.99? I can finally stop getting money out of my savings just to get gas
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05-17-2011 23:02 by BEGO
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... and just think what the accent will be like on that Hispanic Schwarzenegger kid
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05-17-2011 22:47
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The only reason nice guys finish last is because they're holding the door for everyone else.
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05-17-2011 21:41 by BEGO
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Some people would be in such good shape if they ran as much as their mouth does
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05-17-2011 21:38 by BEGO
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Hollywood is doing another “Mad Max” movie, where gas is so expensive that people steal and kill to get it. It takes place sometime in the future — like this coming July...
The awkward moment when your chair makes a farting noise & no one believes it was the chair, so you try to do it again.
UseI think I missed the driver ed class on how inching forward every 5 seconds at a red light makes it turn green faster
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05-17-2011 20:03
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Give yourself an even greater challenge than the one you are trying to master and you will develop the powers necessary to overcome the original difficulty.
Oprah's LAST LIVE show is happening tonight at the United Center. Rumors have it that amongst giving away Lake Michigan or a house right next to Mt. Rushmore's presidents, she might just be giving away another presidency!
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05-17-2011 19:32
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headed to check my MYSPACE... (crickets chirping)
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05-17-2011 19:20 by Steve OH
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... Dude, turn it down before your windows fall out.
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05-17-2011 19:19 by Steve OH
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WALL-MARTIANS... it's worth the trip
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05-17-2011 19:15 by Steve OH
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I'm in that awkward stage between jail bait and a cougar - Janie
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05-17-2011 18:42
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Apocalypse shopping list: 1. Flame thrower 2. 25 boxes of aluminum foil 3. Pogo stick 4. 3 dozen wind up chattering teeth 5. 20 pounds of Lobster tail (Carman Electra's favorite) 6. 15 cases Grey Goose vodka 7. Strobe light 8. Disco Ball
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05-17-2011 18:27
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And the Thunder rolls... Right outta the playoffs.
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05-17-2011 18:25
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wondering, can I still use the big stall if my handicap is being emotionally crippled?