Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't understand why tan suits enrages people. Maybe, I'm too sane to understand it.

   The Go-Go's are bringing a vegetable to tonight's dinner party. They said, "We got the beet."

   Can't decide between joining the US military, or opening a musical instrument store. I'm stuck between Iraq and a harp place.

   I was at the park flying my kite and this guy came up to me and said "You flying a kite?" I replied "Nah I'm fishing for birds"

   Since soap kills COVID 19, have you guys tried just eating Tide Pods again?

   Roman Catholic dietary law classified aquatic mammals as fish rather than meat. therefore, you are free to eat beaver on Good Friday.

   Why did Wisconsin Supreme Court change to the Dems? I think I'm going to kill myself.

   If you drive by my house and see a bunch of kids scooping dog poop, mind your business. They're on a field trip

   I hate when someone is killed in a movie. While normal ppl watch the scene, all i’m doing is try to catch the dead character breathing.

   If your feeling like Charlie Sheen, go and brush your shoulders off

   Proposed her indirectly,but she rejected directly!!!!

   wish I can do , what CAL LIGHTMAN can ;-)

   a voice in his head. I ask it yes and no questions, and it answers

   Acute Gout Attack!! - The Vegetarian's Revenge!

   The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when they fill out a job application.

   the only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.

   I tried the Facebook Friend Finder and it showed me all the people who deleted me, I think its a tad bit faulty or should be renamed!

   thinks it's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

   If the world really was going to end in 2012, the bankers would find some way to "stall" it....they ain't going to let people get away with not paying their 25 year mortgages.

   If your password is "password" then that is not the only thing I know about you.