Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4836 of 6370
Look... if you have both toilet paper and bath towels in your bathroom... I am going to assume you are giving me a choice.
Chemically speaking... alcohol is a solution.
I take context out of things.
My dog can't seem to walk straight when we are out. He is gonna make look bad when I'm under the influence.
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05-27-2011 15:32
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I have to say... to lie about taking steroids as long as Lance Armstrong did sure takes a lot of ball.
Look, baby, it's just not going to work between us: You're a sheep and I'm a border collie. I'm so sorry. I never meant to herd you.
I love Hitchhiker's, they always give Me a Thumbs up Every time I pass by them
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05-27-2011 15:18
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"two managers 1 cup..." could get quite messi tomorrow
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05-27-2011 13:52
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Even though my house has an alarm, I still like to set booby traps...just in case.
That awkward moment when you're at a red light and you look at the person next to you and they're already looking at you
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05-27-2011 13:16
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aaah the weekend... drink triple, see double, act single.
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05-27-2011 13:16
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I Spent the last 30 minutes trying to trim my side burns and am now sporting a nice mohawk..
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05-27-2011 12:55
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Men make mistakes the problem is god gave us a brain and A wienner but not enough blood supply to run both at the same time..!!!
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05-27-2011 12:47
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I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
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05-27-2011 12:39
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Everyone is a Freak, it just takes the right person to bring out that side of you.
What is the appropriate gift to give your woman on your 5th year anniversary..... of the restraining order?
I can't stand it when people won't speak a little louder when I'm trying to eavesdrop on them. You people are selfish.
If drunkness was a professional sport, I would probably be disqualified for steroids.
You know that little voice in your head that tells you "No?" Yeeeah, mine died a long time ago.
DNA Tests today confirmed danny devito is arnolds love child..
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05-27-2011 12:02
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