Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm just trying to help everyone with the hacker post. I had a guy named Phua Soon Hock trying to hack me!

   wonders WHY it actually became politically correct to advertise about erectile dysfunction? It kinda makes you think about such things when your nine year old asks what "an erection lasting 24 hours or longer" is. Uhhhh, whut?

   there is a thin line between sanity and insanity...and I just snorted it.

   I've always been suspicious of people who operate their Christmas lights after New Years day.

   “Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.” - Mark Twain

   My eighty year old neighbor neither agreed with or could conceive the foreign idea of the “I before E” rule isn't that weird .

   it me or does that guy with the golden voice look like mac tonight ?

   just saw Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, should have been called Scott Pilgrim Vs. The IRS; because the rate of money they lost I expect he will be fighting them off for years.

   thinks life is like a rubix cube. Some people have the patience to solve it and the others just cheat to see how others do it

   There's a right time to mind; and a right time to nevermind......

   I almost forgot I cheated on my diet until my wife found panties in my truck!

   BBC News: "Web attacks on the rise."...........Must be Spiderman, the rascal!!

   A woman who thinks no man is good enough for her may be right.... But she is more often left.

   I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk

   The truth shall set ye free. But lying shall get ye a bunch of free sh*t.

   Studies show that four out of five poker players take drugs to keep awake and sharp at the table. The one that doesn't stay sharp is the one who shouts out "Go Fish!"

   I think that good friend is worth pursuing, but why would a good friend be running away?

   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

   My ex-wife never cleaned anything but my bank account.

   We are exactly one year away from the release of Star Wars VII. #isthatightsaberinyourpocket