Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Justice Thomas to the Media: “I will absolutely leave the Court when I do my job as poorly as you do yours.”
←Rate | 05-17-2022 06:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yeah drugs are cool, but have you ever had ice water at 2:00am?
←Rate | 04-30-2022 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hold fast friends, the developmentally challenged cream puff would like to submit another unintelligible contribution.
←Rate | 05-23-2022 02:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon From now on, I’m telling prospective employers that I was the General Manager at Toy’s-R-Us. Who tf they gonna call?
←Rate | 07-06-2022 00:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep your relationship private so you can have two.
←Rate | 04-14-2022 01:58 by daflip01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.
←Rate | 07-28-2022 01:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went down hill fast.
←Rate | 04-08-2022 23:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Do you moan or cuss?” Depends on how good the food is, usually both.
←Rate | 04-12-2022 21:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judge rules that airplane passengers no longer need to pretend to be eating for 5 straight hours.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 23:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
←Rate | 08-05-2022 02:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mike who cheese Harry
←Rate | 08-10-2024 00:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
←Rate | 07-28-2022 01:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love means having to say you’re sorry every fifteen minutes.
←Rate | 08-08-2022 03:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
←Rate | 08-08-2022 03:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
←Rate | 08-15-2022 07:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tapping our oil reserves instead of drilling is as dumb as tapping your 401k instead of going to work.
←Rate | 04-04-2022 05:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to look thin, hang out with fat people.
←Rate | 08-04-2022 01:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a voice that doesn’t use words, listen.
←Rate | 05-09-2022 02:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue, wish it didn’t have to be like this, but it do
←Rate | 04-12-2022 17:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drinking 8 cups of water seems impossible, but 8 cups of coffee goes down like a chubby kid on a seesaw.
←Rate | 07-22-2022 02:21 Comments (0)  




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