Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What goes "mhau namih uh bah booh"? A deaf woman when your standing on her foot apparently.

   was in Wal-mart today. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did.

   What kind of president would Donald Trump be? A combination of George Bush, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and Bernie Madoff.

   never understood people watching a football game wearing their team jersey. Thats like me watching CSI dressed as a dead hooker.

   Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was fried and eaten on MLK day.

   If Glenn Beck runs for President, I want to see a birth certificate proving he was born on this planet.

   Obamacare: Just another government handout; this time forcing the funding by tax payers through the threat of penalties for non-compliance.

   being chased by a hungry pack of wild poodles!

   Sometimes people act like the US isn't the only country in the whole world.

   I'm HUGE in Japan...

   Just on the news... boni blue world surfing championships in Australia has just been won by an unknown Japanese man on a fridge!!

   Me to husband: To be clear, when I say “let’s get it on”, I’m talking about the two-person horse costume we got for Halloween.

   I wish I could help run a country into the ground and still take a $100,000 trip for my birthday... btw, your welcomed Obama for your birthday trip.

   I want to become a receptionist so I can say "Your son Rip is on line toot"

   Yesterday a Radio DJ said that America was an Obama Nation, he was sort of right... its becoming an abomination!

   I'm the one who screwed you all, but thanks for blaming the black guy.. George. Bush

   "My imaginary friend is better than yours!" ~ religion.

   at 11:08 pm. Troy Davis got what he had coming for the last 20 years. Jury said he did it. Court of Appeals said he did it. Federal Judge said he did it. Supreme Court Said he did it.

   I'm going to tattoo "Religion" on my d!ck, and force it down peoples throat and see how THEY like it!

   I'm not saying I'm fat but, my favorite machine at the gym is of the vending variety.