Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Algebra, Chemistry, and Physics, are a few things that have driven more women to the poles than the Suffrage movement...

   Anyone else put snowballs in the freezer in anticipation of a snowball fight you don't plan on losing?

   anyone on Myspace anymore? I wonder if Tom is on facebook....

   says welcome to Facebook... Your mortgage is past due.

   When I have visitors in town, my tour guide instincts kick in and I show them as much as I can. “That's the grocery store I go to.” “I work out there.” “I've made out with a girl on that bench.” “I've peed behind that dumpster." I hope

   some people are so stupid, if their brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M

   All I needed was the kit but they made me buy the whole kaboodle.

   I just played FARKLE against somebody from across the World, and yet we had a mutual friend! My opponent knows Pamela Anderson too!

   thinks you are so dull that even watching you choke on a knife would be boring.

   Thinks your haircut looked better before the 'cutting' part.

   a procrastinator... ehh i'll finish this post later

   the economy is soo bad that The Mafia is laying off judges...

   when you go to a Star Wars convention, the odds of getting a girl are good. But the goods are odd...

   the definition of Door: What my dog is perpetually on the wrong side of!

   never allowed his schooling to interfere with his education.

   Sometimes you think a thought and just when you think that thought was not worth thinking then you think about it and after have thought the thought over will never think it again.

   wondering what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag around.

   so hot that he needs someone to become a fan!!

   "Every leader that is willing to go forward has got to get used to getting wounded and scarred by those he's willing to live and die for."

   It said in the paper 'Sex pest wanted by Police', I rang up to see what the hours were