Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 46 of 6387

   messageicon If you could travel in time, show up at the appropriate moments throughout history and smother heinous characters’ in their cribs, would you do it?
←Rate | 05-30-2022 00:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 07:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure why take the chance.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 07:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Knowledge is like underwear; it is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
←Rate | 07-22-2022 02:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two kinds of nerds: May the force be, - equal to mass times acceleration.
←Rate | 05-14-2022 03:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do what my guitar tells me to do. 🤟
←Rate | 08-10-2024 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is soup, I am fork.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 13:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
←Rate | 08-04-2022 01:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dumped a pack of M&M’s in my mask and I’m slowly eating them like a horse.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 00:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
←Rate | 08-15-2022 07:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twitter employees are in a panicked full blown public meltdown.
←Rate | 04-26-2022 21:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our institution is a greedy piglet that suckles the taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.
←Rate | 05-31-2022 00:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Filled my car up with gas and tried to pay with my flexible spending card. The attendant said it can only be used for medical issues. I said the price of gas makes me sick. Apparently that doesn't qualify
←Rate | 06-09-2022 19:37 by @kevinbyer34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
←Rate | 07-30-2022 01:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Broken pencils are pointless.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 04:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Egyptian babies didn’t know that one day their daddy would be a mummy. Neither did the Kardashians.
←Rate | 07-21-2022 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Day 1152 without you: I tried kissing my own neck last night.
←Rate | 05-06-2022 19:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
←Rate | 07-28-2022 01:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 08:00 Comments (0)  




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