Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 46 of 6389
Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law.
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08-15-2022 08:00
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Knowledge is like underwear; it is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
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07-22-2022 02:17
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There are two kinds of nerds: May the force be, - equal to mass times acceleration.
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05-14-2022 03:32
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I do what my guitar tells me to do. 🤟
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08-10-2024 00:17
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Life is soup, I am fork.
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04-19-2022 13:11
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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
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08-04-2022 01:38
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Dumped a pack of M&M’s in my mask and I’m slowly eating them like a horse.
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07-23-2022 00:03
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
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08-15-2022 07:58
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Twitter employees are in a panicked full blown public meltdown.
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04-26-2022 21:21
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Our institution is a greedy piglet that suckles the taxpayer’s teat until they have sore, chapped nipples.
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05-31-2022 00:05
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Filled my car up with gas and tried to pay with my flexible spending card. The attendant said it can only be used for medical issues. I said the price of gas makes me sick. Apparently that doesn't qualify
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
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07-30-2022 01:56
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Broken pencils are pointless.
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01-13-2023 04:07
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Egyptian babies didn’t know that one day their daddy would be a mummy. Neither did the Kardashians.
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07-21-2022 05:08
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Day 1152 without you: I tried kissing my own neck last night.
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05-06-2022 19:42
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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07-28-2022 01:22
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My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
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08-15-2022 08:00
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Anyone that tells you money can’t buy happiness, doesn’t know where to shop.
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07-06-2022 00:22
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Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
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07-26-2022 00:05
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All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.
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07-28-2022 01:21
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