Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

   you know Jay-Z isn't OCD because he only had 99 problems....an OCD person would have an even 100 problems

   It's a wonder the human race has survived if we can't even adapt to Facebook UI updates.

   I find it funny. If you find it offensive, that’s why I’m happier than you.

   Scientists, less of that new technology stuff and more of making a device that stops women from asking you questions during the game.

   Great music lives on in perpetuity to those who seek it.

   You only stalk the person you think you don't deserve.

   Woman is a question too difficult for men.

   I think a Dog & Pony Show sounds delightful, but people always use that phrase in a negative context.

   Stubbing your toe is only a lightswitch away.

   Just because I like to trip children that are running through the produce aisle unattended doesn't make me a bad person, Officer.

   Age is just a number and mine is unlisted.

   apparently this dude Miller was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad dude my bad.

   Its just facebook people lets try not to take to too seriously.

   People who think women are weaker than men should know that male lions only kill men when they are threatened or hungry while lionesses kill for fun.

   In my family we don't own a gravy boat ....we have a gravy tanker ship!

   tries to accept the things he can't change and change the things he can't accept.

   "I see drunk people." - Me, playing the starring role in The Sixth Heavily-Impaired Sense

   That thin line beween ‘I love you' and bullshi t.

   who cares how it's spelled or its scientific properties....to argue over it instead of drink it tells ur losers