Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Great music lives on in perpetuity to those who seek it.

   You only stalk the person you think you don't deserve.

   Woman is a question too difficult for men.

   I think a Dog & Pony Show sounds delightful, but people always use that phrase in a negative context.

   Stubbing your toe is only a lightswitch away.

   Just because I like to trip children that are running through the produce aisle unattended doesn't make me a bad person, Officer.

   Age is just a number and mine is unlisted.

   apparently this dude Miller was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad dude my bad.

   Its just facebook people lets try not to take to too seriously.

   People who think women are weaker than men should know that male lions only kill men when they are threatened or hungry while lionesses kill for fun.

   In my family we don't own a gravy boat ....we have a gravy tanker ship!

   tries to accept the things he can't change and change the things he can't accept.

   "I see drunk people." - Me, playing the starring role in The Sixth Heavily-Impaired Sense

   That thin line beween ‘I love you' and bullshi t.

   who cares how it's spelled or its scientific properties....to argue over it instead of drink it tells ur losers

   Coz that Pope started using Twitter, Santa just created his Facebook account. Guess what, all the kids are getting clothes and Bible for Christmas :)

   I have spent almost half of my life trying to come up with new ways to get out of things and situations.

   I wish giants existed because watching them walk into telephone wires would be entertaining.

   when a woman gets what she wants, she no longer wants that...

   Well, it looks like that huge asteroid will miss earth. I hope its not too late to contribute to my 401k..