Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if they get hurricanes in India? Let me call there and find out, what the number to AT&T?

   They say that this planet is another world's hell. I don't know WTF I did but I'm Sorry!!!

   One good thing about hurricane Irene. The news has pre-empted NASCAR on the east coast.

   - True fact about my friends: Friends are like boobs. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real and some are fake.

   This girl just caught me staring at her, but I played it off by yelling “Cool wall behind that girl's head!”

   It's all funny till the zombies come isn't it?

   Hmm, a country that's government still wears women's wigs older yes, wiser, me thinks not.

   Would it be a good thing if I woke up feeling like P.Diddy? WTF's that mean anyway?!!

   Question is: Am I responsible enough to be in charge of cooking oil after 5 beers. We shall see. If I catch the house on fire you'll all be the first to know, I'll update on the way out :D

   Glad I got boobs to catch food. Much rather do laundry than use a papertowel.

   Same old same old __ I frikkin' love weekends :D __ you're welcome!!!

   I can't imagine a world without weekends :)

   To all the people who failed out of school, just remember 2 things: 1. You tried your best! 2. I said no tomatoes on my burger, b1tch!

   I'm a White man, and working for a living was my idea.

   watching day after tomorrow and the news at the same time. its almost like watching the same thing!!!

   I woke up early this morning and it dawned on me.....OH SH!T, I betta go back to sleep! Lmao!

   attention Hot Women of Vegas...if you insist on wearing skinny, hot women clothes while visiting, please make sure you are, in fact, a skiiny, hot girl!!!

   doesn't that swirling graphic the weather channels show of Irene look like a sonogram? I keep thinking the whole east coast is pregnant... and 'The Situation' is the father

   waiting to be blown by Irene ... I wonder if she swallows :)

   When will women ever learn? You cant go on hunting for a new man when you still have pictures of your ex all over your albums. Get rid of that sh*t first.