Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4529 of 6446

Turns out,the ball washer at the golf course is just for golf balls..I owe that trio of nuns an apology .
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04-04-2019 15:29
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I used to work at a bakery. It was a crumby job, but I made a lot of dough.
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04-19-2019 14:56 by CrewRC
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My wife likes it doggie style. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.
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05-01-2019 14:14
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1. Lemon 2. Ice 3. Me Things my wife doesn't want in cider
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07-14-2019 06:21
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If I ever have to have open heart surgery I hope my fridge busts in and stares into open me for ten minutes hoping to see something good
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12-20-2019 09:23
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In this world, there are beings who consider you their universe. Okay, they're dust mites and they live on your eyebrows, but so?
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10-10-2020 23:07 by Fazzy
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Has anyone suggested the Google Earth app to the Flat Earth Society?
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11-16-2020 17:11 by Fazzy
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well, who ya voting for, donald trump or isis' supreme leader?
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11-08-2016 06:46
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Between diet soda, the Impossible Whopper and non-dairy creamer, our foods have become more fake than our online personas.
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12-02-2019 06:36 by Fazzy
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It doesn't actually bother me much that I'll keep forgetting to write 2020 on my checks. What does bother me, is that it's 2020 and I'm still writing checks.
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01-04-2020 19:49 by Fazzy
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Has a 24 pack of Charmin Extra Soft. Willing to trade for a bottle of Imodium A-D.
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03-10-2020 05:57 by Fazzy
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Mexico is reconsidering building the wall for the sole purpose of keeping out New Yorkers.
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07-13-2020 07:35 by Fazzy
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I’m building a wall around Facebook and Your all going to pay for it
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02-12-2018 18:07
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Atheists, spending all their negative energy and life talking about God until they become plant food. What a waste
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02-19-2018 03:57
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If Republicans didn't insist on upholding their "Proud Tradition of Failure to do their JOB" ... Perhaps this country wouldn't be in such a sad state of affairs. They were elected to do one thing then proceeded to do another ..... SHEESH
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07-10-2016 17:53
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Gary Johnson 2016 #FeelTheJohnson
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09-17-2016 17:47
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If there was no collusion, then there wouldn't be any obstruction of justice...
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06-23-2017 12:26
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The only time a man should dance is when another man is shooting at his feet.
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11-27-2013 06:54 by Baddie
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Somebody stop the INTERNET, I want to get off!
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01-14-2015 23:31 by Czovczov
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Welcome to laser noises club. Please take a pew, pew....pew!
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01-22-2015 14:16 by Nipper
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