Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Turns out,the ball washer at the golf course is just for golf balls..I owe that trio of nuns an apology .
←Rate | 04-04-2019 15:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to work at a bakery. It was a crumby job, but I made a lot of dough.
←Rate | 04-19-2019 14:56 by CrewRC Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife likes it doggie style. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.
←Rate | 05-01-2019 14:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1. Lemon 2. Ice 3. Me Things my wife doesn't want in cider
←Rate | 07-14-2019 06:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever have to have open heart surgery I hope my fridge busts in and stares into open me for ten minutes hoping to see something good
←Rate | 12-20-2019 09:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In this world, there are beings who consider you their universe. Okay, they're dust mites and they live on your eyebrows, but so?
←Rate | 10-10-2020 23:07 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone suggested the Google Earth app to the Flat Earth Society?
←Rate | 11-16-2020 17:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon well, who ya voting for, donald trump or isis' supreme leader?
←Rate | 11-08-2016 06:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Between diet soda, the Impossible Whopper and non-dairy creamer, our foods have become more fake than our online personas.
←Rate | 12-02-2019 06:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't actually bother me much that I'll keep forgetting to write 2020 on my checks. What does bother me, is that it's 2020 and I'm still writing checks.
←Rate | 01-04-2020 19:49 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has a 24 pack of Charmin Extra Soft. Willing to trade for a bottle of Imodium A-D.
←Rate | 03-10-2020 05:57 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mexico is reconsidering building the wall for the sole purpose of keeping out New Yorkers.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 07:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m building a wall around Facebook and Your all going to pay for it
←Rate | 02-12-2018 18:07 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Atheists, spending all their negative energy and life talking about God until they become plant food. What a waste
←Rate | 02-19-2018 03:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Republicans didn't insist on upholding their "Proud Tradition of Failure to do their JOB" ... Perhaps this country wouldn't be in such a sad state of affairs. They were elected to do one thing then proceeded to do another ..... SHEESH
←Rate | 07-10-2016 17:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gary Johnson 2016 #FeelTheJohnson
←Rate | 09-17-2016 17:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there was no collusion, then there wouldn't be any obstruction of justice...
←Rate | 06-23-2017 12:26 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The only time a man should dance is when another man is shooting at his feet.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 06:54 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somebody stop the INTERNET, I want to get off!
←Rate | 01-14-2015 23:31 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to laser noises club. Please take a pew, pew....pew!
←Rate | 01-22-2015 14:16 by Nipper Comments (0)  




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