Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 44 of 6387
There is no such thing as disinformation. There is only information you accept, and information you do not accept.
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05-09-2022 17:24
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Watching the fork fireworks in the microwave.
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05-16-2022 05:47
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Broken guitar for sale, no strings attached.
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05-16-2022 05:59
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6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
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05-23-2022 02:20
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Hold up ladies and gentle fellows, a delicate genius is about to trill us with his daily regurgitative diatribe.
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05-24-2022 23:00
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Better not be in here spreading truth. ~ Zuckerberg
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05-29-2022 00:40
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Woman have so much evil in their blood that God drains it once a month.
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06-05-2022 02:56
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The moment your gut says no, it’s a no. You can analyze the details later.
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06-19-2022 02:35
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At first, I didn’t like my beard; then it grew on me.
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01-13-2023 04:05
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Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll try to use it.
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05-23-2022 02:18
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If I do a job in 30 minutes, it’s because it took me 25 years to learn how. You owe me for the years, not the minutes.
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04-20-2022 02:04
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Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.
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08-05-2022 02:14
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Either someone’s smoking pot or it’s a skunk! Lmao 😂
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01-23-2023 02:49
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Faking my own death and starting over with a new identity to reset my targeted ads algorithm.
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05-09-2022 17:23
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I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
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07-25-2022 01:00
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If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So, sue me."
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07-25-2022 01:02
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I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every Culture; is the story of Popeye.
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07-25-2022 01:02
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Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that.
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05-22-2022 03:39
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If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.
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05-23-2022 02:21
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If it sucks so much, why do you keep coming back? It only sucks when you're here.
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05-31-2022 17:00
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