Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Obama has disgraced the memory of the black U.S. presidents that came before him.

   If Hillary wins it means way too many illegal mexicans are voting

   Never try to reason with a person who wants to save every stray animal alive but is fine with killing 3,000 babies a day...

   DNC senators: Ha ha ha swear to be impartial even though I know this is a coup and it has no grounds

   At least Buffalo Bill gave his prisoners lotion and a basket.

   He asked if I was into anal, then got all weird when I pulled out my strap-on. Advice?

   konws taht you can raed tihs sutats jsut fnie and you tuhohgt I was tolaltly dnruk lkie lsat tmie.

   No one needs a vacation more than the person who just had one.

   some people are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk!!!!!

   getting OLDER remembers when he needed glasses to see blackboard , NOW he needs them to see SCHOOL !!!

   If Polygram records,Warner Bros,and Keebler merged would the company be called Poly-Warner-Cracker?

   wants to be one of those people who, when he reaches the end of his life, gets their head cryogenically frozen, wakes up in a new, strong, young body 10,000 years in the future and proceeds to lead the human race to victory over the alien insect overlords

   My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.

   The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

   Respect must be earned by a sitting President these days.....

   men go to the bars to get laid and women go there to tease

   I heard Angelina Jolie had a very difficult delivery with one of her children – she wasn't in and had to go to the sorting office to pick it up.

   I got an iPod for Christmas, gave my son an iPad, gave my gf an iRon

   Wish life could be simple like the good ol' days. Like page 756!

   I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.