Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you cant spell Mississippi, you probably live in Mississippi

   Reenacting scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen...

   fat girls are proportionately more angry than skinny girls

   Bullying Support Group meeting, tonight at 8. You'd better f*cking be there.

   #IfWomenRuledTheWorld the wings on airplanes would flap

   Bad: Waking up and finding a pen!s drawn on your face. Worse: Finding out it was traced. EVEN Worse: You were drinking alone !!

   My mother texted me "What does IDK, LY,& TTYL means? I answered: I don't know, love u, talk to you later. Mother: Ok I'll ask your sister

   face down ass up thats the way i..................................................................................tie my shoes...nasties what were ya thinking?

   Long live the Spork!

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   watched a documentary about topiary last night. It was real cutting hedge stuff.

   obviously sitting here staring at my computer screen waiting for a notification to suddenly pop up so I can have a moment of excitement.....i need a life!!!

   Congrats to Hugh Hefner on your recent engagement. And thank you sir for showing us naked photos of the women you've banged since 1953.

   Ask: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" (No.) Wink.

   theres no I in gangbang

   Christmas came early!!! Happy EIGHTEENTH Birthday Miley!!!

   Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

   I ran my WII, PS3 and Xbox 360 all at the same time. Jesus appeared in my living room and shook his index finger at me.

   - David Cameron says `Your country needs you` ....... No David , this country needs you to Fu@k Off ! You posh wanker ...

   Condoms aren't safe at all. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.