Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Hacked into Santa's computer and obtain is naughty girls list........ Looks like there be no more lonely nights for me.
←Rate | 05-08-2018 20:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you see Olivia Munn in a movie trailer, you can almost hear a toilet flushing in your mind.
←Rate | 05-12-2018 01:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon God gave us shins so we could find things in the dark.
←Rate | 05-12-2018 16:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before we begin, I’d like to get a little weird.
←Rate | 05-14-2018 08:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Haikus are fun / But sometimes they make no sense / Refrigerator.
←Rate | 05-14-2018 10:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pride Parade bans Drag Queens, it offends transgenders.Libs are confused on what side to take.
←Rate | 05-14-2018 15:04 Comments (4)  


   messageicon I watched 30 minutes of Kong: Skull Island on TV, which was more than enough to confirm why I don't waste money on movies anymore.
←Rate | 05-18-2018 15:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell what was the best year of your father's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and just ride it out.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a bit of a lazy day! I'm sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online. My boss doesn't look amused.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my nephew doesn't stop playing Chopsticks on that wretched piano I think I shall go mad! (Wait a minute...I don't have a piano and my nephew isn't here...)
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If woman are so good at multitasking. Then why can't they sit down and shut up?
←Rate | 05-19-2018 15:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember grandpa’s last words before he died. Lighting a match next to the gas pump, he asked, “What’s this warning label say?”
←Rate | 05-26-2018 12:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy birthday J.F.K. 5/29/1917
←Rate | 05-28-2018 23:21 Comments (1)  


   messageicon How are condoms and cameras a like? They both capture that magical moment.
←Rate | 06-02-2018 16:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I feel like I have a 1-bit brain with a parity error. This is one of those days.
←Rate | 06-05-2018 07:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never knew I had so many aunts and uncles untill my parents separated.
←Rate | 06-05-2018 17:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you go to sleep at 6am, is that going to sleep early or late?
←Rate | 06-18-2018 22:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bugs have antennas so they can get a few local channels for free
←Rate | 06-21-2018 07:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s like my grandfather used to say: “The more clit sucking you do, the less nagging you’ll hear”
←Rate | 06-23-2018 12:43 Comments (0)  




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