Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4322 of 6447

Hacked into Santa's computer and obtain is naughty girls list........ Looks like there be no more lonely nights for me.
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05-08-2018 20:16
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When you see Olivia Munn in a movie trailer, you can almost hear a toilet flushing in your mind.
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05-12-2018 01:54
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God gave us shins so we could find things in the dark.
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05-12-2018 16:53 by Jake
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Before we begin, I’d like to get a little weird.
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05-14-2018 08:32
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Haikus are fun / But sometimes they make no sense / Refrigerator.
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05-14-2018 10:49
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Pride Parade bans Drag Queens, it offends transgenders.Libs are confused on what side to take.
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05-14-2018 15:04
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I watched 30 minutes of Kong: Skull Island on TV, which was more than enough to confirm why I don't waste money on movies anymore.
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05-18-2018 15:27
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My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
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05-19-2018 08:06
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You can tell what was the best year of your father's life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and just ride it out.
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05-19-2018 08:07
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Having a bit of a lazy day! I'm sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online. My boss doesn't look amused.
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05-19-2018 08:17
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If my nephew doesn't stop playing Chopsticks on that wretched piano I think I shall go mad! (Wait a minute...I don't have a piano and my nephew isn't here...)
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05-19-2018 08:57
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If woman are so good at multitasking. Then why can't they sit down and shut up?
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05-19-2018 15:00 by Jake
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I remember grandpa’s last words before he died. Lighting a match next to the gas pump, he asked, “What’s this warning label say?”
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05-26-2018 12:19
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Happy birthday J.F.K. 5/29/1917
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05-28-2018 23:21
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How are condoms and cameras a like? They both capture that magical moment.
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06-02-2018 16:31 by Jake
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Sometimes I feel like I have a 1-bit brain with a parity error. This is one of those days.
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06-05-2018 07:28
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I never knew I had so many aunts and uncles untill my parents separated.
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06-05-2018 17:56 by Jake
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If you go to sleep at 6am, is that going to sleep early or late?
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06-18-2018 22:56 by Jake
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Bugs have antennas so they can get a few local channels for free
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06-21-2018 07:31
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It’s like my grandfather used to say: “The more clit sucking you do, the less nagging you’ll hear”
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06-23-2018 12:43
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