Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "But apart from that , How did you enjoy the play Mrs. Lincoln"

   ... it's so damn HOT out there I'm not even going out to look for Pokemon.

   This Pokemon Go app is getting way too serious ..... My doctor said he found a Pokemon in my Chest X-Ray

   Question: Is sexual healing covered by Obamacare?

   Haven't tried heroin yet, but I imagine the rush is like remembering I have pie in the fridge.

   Oxygen was discovered in 1772.... what did people breathe before then?

   Just heard on the radio that former child star McCauley Culkin may soon get married for a second time...... I guess he was tired of being "Home Alone."

   Stop checking my Status , Go and love your GF

   Females don't want much from you except your time, attention, space, food, shirts, fun, bed covers, genitals, passwords, credit cards, life and soul.

   Get lost in nature during a hike and you will definitely not find yourself, more like you could quite possibly die....

   We know Black Lives Matter, we're just trying to figure out why

   Life is good .... the alternative is not.

   There was this woman who always juxtaposed the letters in LMAO whenever I told a joke. She'd put LAMO. I tired to correct her. She said, "No, your jokes are lame."

   "I cant wait for your tell all book hillary" - OJ

   Hey, you guys remember when the GOP Congress refused to increase funding for worldwide Embassy Security? Probably not.

   I can't believe they're going to remake Little Women with an all-female cast.

   All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are over 21. Sorry to ruin the franchise for you.

   I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. - Melania Trump

   everyone is talking about Melania. Nobody even remembers that part of the Convention. Well played Melania.

   I don't like saying goodbye, so I'll just Say Stormtrooper, That way you know I'll always miss you .