Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   .Neighbors get really angry when they catch you on their roof adjusting their satellite dish.

   I've decided that, instead of being a good example, I'll be a warning.

   I read the rules and decided they are stupid so I will be making my own from now on.

   I know where children get their energy... they drain it from their parents!

   So if I don't kill you, I make you stronger? I really don't have any options here.

   I don't know why people get embarrassed when they take a magazine to the toilet, you should see the looks I get when I take my plunger.

   Seriously, if Liam Neeson was my dad I'd start so much crap with people...

   If my number of Facebook friends drops, I just assume someone died.

   I saw a leprechaun once. After enough green beers you begin to see all kinds of things.

   It's only insulting when you don't have a sense of humor.

   Some say imaginary friends are for crazy people. Please tell me about Facebook again.

   If you wake up from a night of partying with no memory of the night before, Do 3 things; 1.) Count your money 2.) Get tested 3.) Stay the hell away from where you were drinking because you probably pissed someone off.

   exceptionally frustrated! How can I creep your Facebook page when I have to wade thru your farm, mafia, daily luck, horoscope, quiz results, lover/friend of the day, cafe world, and everything of which you've now become a fan? Make it easy on me people!!!

   Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.

   I overheard my girlfriend on the phone to her bff saying she wants to get engaged on Valentine’s Day. I hope she finds someone nice.

   The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....

   It's almost that time of year again when I get to pretend I'm Dexter and all the pumpkins are evil.

   A sunset is just a beautiful way of reminding you of all the stuff you didn't get done today.

   If you don't feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend... you're not doing it right.

   I've invented a new low-intensity cardio workout that requires me to lay completely still on the couch.