BEGO Funny Status Messages

   My dad carries pictures of me and my brother where his money used to be.

   My “we had to walk 5 miles uphill in the snow just to get to school” story will be about taking 4 hours to download an mp3 with a 28k modem in 1995.

   The first rule of relationships: You don’t find out why someone was available until it’s too late.

   Me: I'm happy right now. Life: lol one sec

   Being nice to the people you don't like isn't called 2 faced, its called growing up.

   Can you imagine parents nowadays explaining to their kids how they met? “Well, it all started one day when your dad ‘liked’ one of my selfies.”

   Ladies, show me your duck lips and I'll show you some duct tape.

   I'm against recycling because it makes me appear to be a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.

   I've always wanted to know how long "forever" was... and by looking at some peoples relationships its around 2 to 4 weeks.

   Money can't buy you happiness. But I'd rather be unhappy in a Bentley.

   When it comes to returning emails, I only have two speeds: within 3 seconds or within 3 months

   If there was an accepted currency worldwide, it would be Beer.

   U know some people are like VIRUSES, they ENTER your LIFE, SCAN your POCKETS, TRANSFER your IDEAS, EDIT your MINDE, DOWNLOAD your HEART, and UPLOAD their PROBLEMS

   It scares me that some of you have children.

   I rather have an enemy who admits they hate me, instead of a friend who secretly put me down.

   How are girls hard to understand? We like Taco Bell, Starbucks, cuddling, compliments, naps, disney movies, yoga pants,and shopping

   If tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, just think how many industries would go out of business..

   This is such a beautiful day... now watch some idiot screw it up!

   Girls love shoes... so if she throws one at you, you know she's really pissed off.

   The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off