Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   If I had $100 for everytime I read something funny on your Facebook page, I would still be broke.

   Every business has its busy season. The gyms are now bracing for their two-week onslaught of door crashers.

   Ladies: You texted him but he hasn't texted back? Don't be too quick to assume he is ignoring you, instead assume he was obviously so excited to get your text message that he fainted.

   If steroids and other performance enhancing drugs are illegal for athletes, shouldn't Photoshop be illegal for models?

   Fellas: Let a woman wear the pants in a relationship. They are coming off later anyways!

   Giving people the benefit of the doubt is usually just a polite way of temporarily overlooking their stupidity.

   HIM: “You look like a Barbie!” HER: “Thanks. You mean tall, slim and beautiful right?” HIM: “Hell no! I mean plastic and without a brain.”

   When you post pictures of yourself flaunting money, I am forced to think you're not used to having it.

   Officer, I promise this weed is prescription, it's for my pathological lying!!

   TIP FOR GUYS: If you have a girl coming over to watch a movie, make sure to pick a movie that's not worth watching. If you know what I mean!

   A new day doesn't officially start until you take a shower.

   If you are not at the table, you are probably on the menu.

   It's up to you to find the beauty in the ugliest day.

   I don't play "Hard To Get" , I play "It's Never Going To Happen"

   If you can't take a joke, don't walk around looking like one.

   The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock against the wall in the morning is the fact that it's also my cellphone.

   You laugh because you think it's a joke. I laugh because you think I'm joking.

   No matter how expensive the perfume a stripper wears, it will never cover up the smell of poor decision making.

   I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.

   Sure I'll quit Facebook. Just as soon as someone teaches my 'real life' friends to be as funny and cool as my 'fake' Facebook friends!