Aaron Funny Status Messages

   A skeleton was trying to fart in a crowded place but in the end it couldn't because it had no guts.

   Do you know the four signs of growing old? 1. Forgetting names, 2. Forgetting faces, 3. Forgetting to zip up, 4. Forgetting to zip down.

   I love to go shopping and freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I'd like?” Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, “Extra medium.”

   I have all the money I'll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.

   What would happen if Superman consumed 10 Lbs of laxative?

   you wouldn't happen to have your missing DVD player's remote... would you?

   so.. my lawyer says to her lawyer if she thinks she gettin that yacht then she's a little dingy

   i'll be burger king and you'll be mcdonalds...ill be doing it my way and you'll be lovin it

   i'll be burger king and you'll be mcdonalds...ill be doing it my way and you'll be lovin it

   got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.

   I think the real question by now is: What is a Klondike Bar going to do for me?

   A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

   Well, at least the war on the environment is going well...

   Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.

   It was all so different before everything changed.

   This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual status update, you would have driven staight 2 Taco Bell & eaten a chalupa.

   You're driving a car. It isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant...

   Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.

   Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.

   Lost his mind somewhere.. If you find it please put it back in the gutter.