Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It’s not Musk’s yet: Twitter unveils new censorship tools.

   Life hack: Hung over at work? Set up a ladder and take a nap at the bottom. If you’re caught, you can claim that you fell and got knocked out.

   Sir, we don’t sell guns here. Can I interest you in one of our various cordless hole punchers?

   If I choke to death on gummy bears I hope people will just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

   Just for fun, everybody post a picture of your moustache. Get your husbands to join in too.

   Next week has been exhausting.

   Elon showed the world that Twitter is not a business. It is a fraudulent front for mass information control.

   Just because they pull up next to you doesn’t mean they want to race. But better safe than be a loser.

   The best response is always followed by a saucy wink.

   Describe your boobs using only a picture of them.

   Bucket list: Extra crispy, a side of cheesy fries and whipped cream gravy.

   If smoking is so bad, why does it cure salmon.

   6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

   2020 ~ 2022 Written by Stephen King, Directed by Quinten Tarantino, Soundtrack by Yoko Ono.

   Life is fork, I am soup

   On a date with my crush, trying so hard not to fart.

   He said he’d call me back in 30 minutes, it’s been 33. I just can’t deal with his lies anymore.

   I can’t get out of bed. These blankets have accepted me as one of their own, and if I get up now, I’m afraid I’ll lose their trust.

   No one sees what you see, even if they see it too.

   Before social media, you could just forget that someone completely existed. Good times.