Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I see dumb people.

   Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do

   I like having those fat girls as myspace friends, they always provide the cleavage photos, no wonder they receive so many darn comments

   heard some folks trying to change the name of Killer Whale to something less threatening. Sea World, Killer Whale was quoted as saying, "I'm back baby!"

   ☂ *~Everyone wants to be happy , Nobody wants to be in pain... But you can't have a rainbow without any rain~* ☂

   has a thing going with X's wife. Wait... all this third person stuff has X and me confused!

   The Bachelor= The downfall of reality tv. OR was it Ellen taking Paula Abdul's place, OR is it the fact that Howerd Stern may be taking Sinon Cowell's place next season.

   joining Hokey Pokey Annonymous.....to turn myself around.

   muliple personality disorder and schizophrenia. No we don't.....WHO SAID THAT?!!!

   Income tax-time is when you test your powers of deduction.

   Fending off spidermonkeys with a stick

   as anxious as a biker in front of a Toyota

   Her personal problems can only be solved using high explosives.

   Your girlfriend should get an Oscar for all that acting she does in the bedroom.

   I like my women like I like my coffee.... I don't like coffee

   his boss must think he's very motivational as he told me that everyone says they have to work twice as hard whenever I'm around.

   I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face

   Man can believe the impossible, but can never believe the improbable

   knows he just got screwed but can`t remember where and how...??

   ┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to farmville sydrome and turn you into a annoying tool