Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Apparently society isn't sympathetic about testicular cancer awareness…You check yourself in one mirror at the mall, and you go from health conscious, to sexual predator in a heartbeat...(more in comments)

   Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

   Marshawn Lynch just became the first caveman to score a touchdown in Seattle playoff history.

   if you go from a smarthphone to a regular cell phone, you are automatic taken back to 2003 where we all lived like savages

   I was painting the ceiling when my wife comes in and asks if I'm holding the brush tight, I said yes, why? I was told, "I'm taking the ladder!"

   A Super-size Extra Value Meal!!!

   I just don't see how a two peckered billy goat can be that productive...jus' sayin'

   You know times are tough when you receive a friend request on facebook from Tom Anderson (MySpace). I guess he is one of the 47% that got fired from MySpace!

   Jordan says, "I'm devastated, Alex has left a gaping hole in my life." Come off it Katie that's been there since your early teens!

   I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I'm marrying my dreams.

   Can't believe Obama's speech cut into Modern Family... Put him on PBS where no one cares!

   The object on your left is now your weapon of choice in the upcoming zombie apocalypse..... What is it?????

   Money doesnt buy happiness it buys crazy a$$ happiness

   real eyes realize real lies

   If everyday were payday, my wife would be such a nicer person.

   mom always said that I could be anything I wanted to be…dad always said mom's a dumbass…should have listened to dad… :/

   I've never tipped a cow. Then again, one has never served me food.

   It's FRIDAY!!! CARPE SCROTUM . . . seize the day by the balls!!!

   Facebook: making stalkers life easier since 2004

   just had an Epiphany...or whatever her name was....