Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Even if you preface it with "I think strippers smell nice", saying "You smell like a stripper" has a way of being misconstrued.

   It's official: Sarah Palin has now written more books than she has read.

   Holocaust jokes aren't funny, Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it ...

   Something women would NEVER say: "This diamond is too big"

   I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one

   it's not illegal it's frowned upon

   People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because they're al the same

   What seperates the men from the boys is the price of their toys.

   wonders why passing dog walkers insist on introducing their dogs to each other, when the animals clearly act as if they want to tear out each others' throats.

   Ozzie Guillen is going off the rails on a crazy train........

   cleverly diguised as a responsible adult

   The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking, but that he won't let you stop listening."

   looks like I wont be updating my status anytime soon..

   can't seem to finish anything that he sta

   My next car is a Bentley*. [* conditions apply]

   A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine...

   wondering if Sugar Daddies get anything for Father's Day?

   I went to have Botox, the surgeon said to me "That's $8000 dollars please" I couldn't even looked shocked.

   all I want is a comfy bed, a kind word and unlimited power.

   An Englishman walks into a bar. The American knocks him out, takes his girlfriend, and lives happily ever after. The end.