aaron Funny Status Messages

   Having trouble getting onto your horse? Simply ride up beside it on your giraffe and then jump down.

   I want to make sweet love to your face with my fist. Don't worry, I'll use protection. Wouldn't want my hand to get hurt.

   A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

   Ground is soft this time of year. But burying a body is hot, sweaty work. And that's how the lemonade industry gets you.

   Do all Kmart's have a guy that chokes you while you're pooping? Or was that just a random dude?

   If an old person talks about their siblings, ask if they're the oldest. No matter what they say, respond "No, I meant oldest in the world?"

   Let's go some place were we can each be alone

   Just to be sure, I write "That's You!" on all my mirrors

   In Hell, someone is constantly vacuuming while you're trying to explain directions to an old man.

   Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home.

   i'll be burger king and you'll be mcdonalds...ill be doing it my way and you'll be lovin it

   What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.

   Grandpa died from a vaigra overdose, and I still regret not burying him just a few inches deeper.

   Doing my own stunts on Facebook since 2009.

   Daughter: dad I'm a lesbian Dad: Okay its cool 2nd daughter: dad I'm a lesbian too Dad: Does ANYone in this family like guys? Son: I do

   i'll be burger king and you'll be mcdonalds...ill be doing it my way and you'll be lovin it

   For Halloween I'm going to be a 6. Who wants to be my 9?

   Blind people should not skydive. It scares the crap out of their dogs.

   Are you there, nothing? It's me, an atheist.

   According to scientists drinking one can of four loko is like drinking 4 beers, 2 red bulls, a small taco, a ghost and a park bench.