Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   There comes a time in the day when no matter what the question the answer is booze.

   Wanna know how I can tell you grew up in the 90's? Because you wont shut the hell up about growing up in the 90's.

   I only fall for women that are cold, damaged and empty inside. That way I don't get accused of up a good thing.

   "I'm turning over a new leaf" -Adam telling Eve that he's seeing another woman

   Pro Tip: If you order two drinks at McDonald's they'll think you're sharing all that food with another person.

   The best thing about social media is that you can talk to people without having to put your pants on.

   Morals don't come from religion. If you can't decide right from wrong then you lack empathy, not religion.

   Tomorrow is 11/11/11. This day only comes once every 100 years so go out there and do something crazy and make it memorable.

   People who like their jobs probably don't think oral sex is necessary either.

   I got kicked out of the procrastinators club when I showed up for our first meeting.

   On a scale of 1 to Facebook how much of a whiney b*tch are you?

   So Ronaldo & Friends, sorry I mean Portugal got knocked out of the world cup last night.

   Ben Carson endorsing Donald Trump is like Ambien endorsing Cyanide.

   A Rape Whistle.....But for unwanted conversation.

   Regardless of what they say, Romance is NOT dead. It's just playing dead. Kiss someone's lips to resuscitate it.

   Booze may be a man's worst enemy… but only a coward runs from his enemy.

   She tried to make me leave the house without my phone charger and that's when I called the cops.

   My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support

   My ex got me arrested cause I used to sit outside her house all day. She thought I was stalking her but I wasn't, I just had her WiFi pass.........

   Dear customer service: I’m typing this with my middle fingers, if that tells you anything about my satisfaction.