Baddie Funny Status Messages

   The difference between love and lust is one letter: hotel vs. motel

   Patrick on Facebook is complaining about how he hates the word "moist." He thinks it's "so gross." I'm willing to bet that Patrick also doesn't like pu$$y and is still a virgin.

   I am as messed up as the alphabetical order on a keyboard.

   If being romantic means at least I didn't set you on fire then yes, I'm romantic.

   The most awkward conversation must have been between the guy who invented toilet paper and the first person he told about it.

   Let's just call a restraining order what it really is......a challenge

   My favorite in-laws are the ones that don't exist.

   You had me at "Do Not Resuscitate"

   When fat people spoon, is it called ladling?

   If you can't be with the one you love, tolerate the one you're with.

   "Daddy, can I have some ice cream?" "No." "Please?" "No." "Why do boys have p enises and girls don't?" "Chocolate or vanilla?"

   My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! What an idiot! Who threatens someone with a vacation???

   It's almost as if Kanye West doesn't realize his girlfriend actually made and distributed p orn.

   No its not a nightmare. You are just married.

   It must be nice for boring people, they can just think themselves to sleep.

   At my job I am forced to deal with more c unts than a gynecologist.

   Don't forget to provide love and support to someone that has absolutely no interest in you today.

   He's street smart. Sesame Street smart.

   Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd like to bring a guest.

   You're wrong. - First Rule of Right Club