Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 41 of 6387
I’ll go to bed soon. I just want to read like 4 more things that make me furious.
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04-27-2022 01:13
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If I’m ever killed by a mountain lion, my last words were probably, “here kitty, kitty.”
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04-29-2022 23:26
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busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.
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08-10-2024 00:13
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Spanish word of the day: Beach. Joe Biden is China’s little beach.
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07-03-2022 06:37
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like a squirrel, tired from busting nuts all day.
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06-24-2022 00:54
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If you get bit by a shark, bite it back. You’re probably still gonna die, but the shark will be like, lol wtf?
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07-06-2022 00:18
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I’m tired of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.
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07-22-2022 02:18
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Her: go deeper. Him: cereal is breakfast soup. Her: please don’t stop.
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06-08-2022 01:39
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Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
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07-26-2022 00:07
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If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
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07-28-2022 01:19
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What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
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07-08-2022 09:06
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You know what horror game enemies need? Big boobs. I mean a real set of badonkers, that would be frightening.
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07-06-2022 00:19
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When you pee in a pop bottle and give it to someone and say, “ here, try this smello yellow.”
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08-08-2024 01:46
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It’s not Musk’s yet: Twitter unveils new censorship tools.
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05-20-2022 05:24
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Life hack: Hung over at work? Set up a ladder and take a nap at the bottom. If you’re caught, you can claim that you fell and got knocked out.
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04-11-2022 02:19
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Sir, we don’t sell guns here. Can I interest you in one of our various cordless hole punchers?
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06-21-2022 00:14
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If I choke to death on gummy bears I hope people will just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
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04-08-2022 23:52
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Just for fun, everybody post a picture of your moustache. Get your husbands to join in too.
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04-11-2022 02:19
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Next week has been exhausting.
Elon showed the world that Twitter is not a business. It is a fraudulent front for mass information control.
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04-18-2022 21:47
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