Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I’ll go to bed soon. I just want to read like 4 more things that make me furious.
←Rate | 04-27-2022 01:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I’m ever killed by a mountain lion, my last words were probably, “here kitty, kitty.”
←Rate | 04-29-2022 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.
←Rate | 08-10-2024 00:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spanish word of the day: Beach. Joe Biden is China’s little beach.
←Rate | 07-03-2022 06:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon like a squirrel, tired from busting nuts all day.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you get bit by a shark, bite it back. You’re probably still gonna die, but the shark will be like, lol wtf?
←Rate | 07-06-2022 00:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m tired of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.
←Rate | 07-22-2022 02:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: go deeper. Him: cereal is breakfast soup. Her: please don’t stop.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
←Rate | 07-26-2022 00:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
←Rate | 07-28-2022 01:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
←Rate | 07-08-2022 09:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what horror game enemies need? Big boobs. I mean a real set of badonkers, that would be frightening.
←Rate | 07-06-2022 00:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you pee in a pop bottle and give it to someone and say, “ here, try this smello yellow.”
←Rate | 08-08-2024 01:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s not Musk’s yet: Twitter unveils new censorship tools.
←Rate | 05-20-2022 05:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life hack: Hung over at work? Set up a ladder and take a nap at the bottom. If you’re caught, you can claim that you fell and got knocked out.
←Rate | 04-11-2022 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sir, we don’t sell guns here. Can I interest you in one of our various cordless hole punchers?
←Rate | 06-21-2022 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I choke to death on gummy bears I hope people will just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
←Rate | 04-08-2022 23:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just for fun, everybody post a picture of your moustache. Get your husbands to join in too.
←Rate | 04-11-2022 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next week has been exhausting.
←Rate | 04-14-2022 01:57 by juicyjones482 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Elon showed the world that Twitter is not a business. It is a fraudulent front for mass information control.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:47 Comments (0)  




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