Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Two weeks 'til Groundhog Day, got all my shopping done, dug my hole and laid out the pine cones, all that's left is to decorate my branch and set the traps (Woo-Hoo) !!

   if they put Your brain in a bird it would fly backwards

   teach me rules .. I will teach you how to break them !!..!!

   considering mugging an Olympic medalist now that gold is at $1000 an ounce...

   wondering if I should go to bed or just stay up. I have mixed emotions about it. If I stay up I will be bored and if I go to bed I will be bored. At least if I'm in bed sleeping I won't know I'm bored so I guess I will go to bed..Peace out!!

   Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

   Britney Spears is being sued for $10 Million over a perfume deal. Apparently the scent is selling well because it helps mask the smell coming from her CDs.

   Game Day...Here's to hoping USA wins the world cup, and a Hope Solo flash ; )

   Your lucky to be born beautiful, unlike me, who was born to be a big liar

   Do you know how many black guys wish they were Steve Nash?!?!?

   Having lived and loved, I can tell you that life is the constant and love is the variable

   Damn... You looked pretty until tht free trial of Adobe Photoshop expired,

   Women who bleach their mustaches, clearly don't understand the problem with mustaches.

   The Rapture will begin this saturday let those who believe be killed by rocks and sticks the day after by thugs like me!

   Mosquito season is here. Put a fabric softener dryer sheet in your pocket to keep those pesky critters at bay. Even if it doesn't work, the Skeeters will be velvety soft and attain an April Fresh scent.

   I miss being able to hang up rotary phone on people!

   Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure..

   If anybody steals my identity, at least I'll know who to look for

   Thinking Washington will be the answer to the world's problems is like re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

   whoever said that kids get easier as they get older, musta been living in a fantasy land