Baddie Funny Status Messages

   My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I'm just glad to be involved.

   I never smile in public. Smiles invite people to talk.

   [the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn't matter if its a dog, it's still called a cat scan"

   If men knew the effect their scent has on women, they'd shower more and fart less.

   Growing up into an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done in my life.

   No, I don't want extra butter on my popcorn. I'm a boring idiot that hates happiness.

   I had so much no sex last night.

   Why are all the best stress relievers illegal? A little bit of murder would work wonders right now.

   Too bad you cant photoshop your stinky breath as well.

   There should be an observation deck at Walmart.

   This Lady in a Hummer at the next pump was b*tching about gas prices on a gold iPhone holding a Starbucks. Long story short I need bail money.

   It is Scientifically proven that you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blow job

   Walk of shame? If I can still walk, the shame is yours.

   Ladies; Never die a virgin, apparently when you get to heaven they make you shag a suicide bomber.

   Life sucks when a girlfriend doesn't

   I put on my pants just like everyone else around here, reluctantly.

   Ultimate act of defiance, finishing your FB status update while your Boss waits at your desk!

   There have been more Taken sequels than Americans that have died from Ebola, if you wanted to know about the real epidemic.

   The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people only lived to the ripe old age of 30.

   You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!