Aaron Funny Status Messages

   WHOA! Someone just explained to me that I don't get paid for updating my status. I'm going to miss you guys.

   It's time to do some stuff around the house. Sit around it... walk around it... lie around it...

   All you get when you pick my pocket is practice...

   Like Superman, I have a Fortress of Solitude. But mine flushes.

   It would be very helpful to me if the rest of you would please stop striving for excellence. Thanks!

   I use to be great at wordplay. Once a pun a time.

   glad to hear the penicillin worked. Better luck next time..

   An auto-flush urinal made me feel insecure about my manhood by flushing while I was peeing, as if to say "nothing registers as being there."

   it possible that at Brett Favre's age he just keeps forgetting he retired?

   Profiling: when police stop only the cars that are driving on the sidewalk.

   Q. What do you call a French man in sandals? A. Philippe Philoppe

   Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

   It is often said cooking is an art. But I have very few meals that I would hang on my wall.

   My gift horse is facing the wrong way

   Scientists say we use only 10% of our brain. Imagine how much better the world would be if we started using the other 60%.

   On the Electrician's Truck... "Let Us Remove Your Shorts"

   You guys, this is my first ever facebook status update sent from a toilet. Did I do good?

   Drugs give me the confidence to do things I never thought possible. Like, lead police on a 12 hour high speed chase.

   Time to put on my best sexual harrassment suit. It's much like my birthday suit, just... Okay, it's exactly like my birthday suit.

   I had a thought, then it smiled and waved goodbye.