zinc Funny Status Messages

   It's so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball

   People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing all the time.

   If two people in wheelchairs are having a conversation, is it considered mobile to mobile?

   that money can't buy you happiness, but it sure can buy you beers to drink in the shower.

   How much face would a facebook book if a facebook could book face?

   If you don't like gay marriage blame straight people. They're the ones who keep on having gay babies.

   If only these walls could talk -- then I wouldn't be drinking all by myself.

   playing a fun drinking game. Every time somebody says "you can't drink alcohol in the office" I have to down a shot.

   I'm looking forward to looking back on this month.

   If I died and went to Hell, it would take me at least a week to figure out I wasn't at work anymore.

   Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - Nikita Khrushchev

   "YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?" - guy that just got a new kite for his birthday

   Ivm not leaving a will.. My final act will be leaving one more thing my family can fight about.

   I was in a bar the other night, moving from stool to stool trying to get lucky... but there wasn't gum under any of them."

   I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.

   I just bought a fridge magnet and it's working great. I have 10 fridges so far.

   I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...

   I always chase joggers with my car to motivate them.

   To all my friends with short attention spans,

   I was just driving behind a car covered in pro life stickers and I thought "Man, that car hates abortion". Then it dawned on me that I don't know my car's political views. What if my car is a Republican? Or a racist? Maybe I don't want to know. I like my