ZINC Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1985.
←Rate | 12-15-2018 14:11 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Advice for those people who want to discuss politics tomorrow at the dinner table... Just don't
←Rate | 12-24-2018 22:06 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light.
←Rate | 09-23-2015 22:52 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I've never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.
←Rate | 05-22-2013 00:46 by Zinc Comments (4)  


   messageicon Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.
←Rate | 03-16-2012 03:52 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going through my friends list and deleting every 5th person because statistically speaking, they have an STD.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 22:12 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm always right. And when I'm not, I edit Wikipedia.
←Rate | 05-29-2013 17:20 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is the big deal about Cinco De Mayo. I've been drinking my ass off Everydayo of Mayo.
←Rate | 05-03-2017 18:29 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I have different ideas on death. I want to be cremated when I die and she wants to cremate me now.
←Rate | 03-17-2017 01:51 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really gotta start saying "congratulations" Instead of "are you keeping it?"
←Rate | 05-22-2013 00:49 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh, so it's ok for Superman to wear his underpants on the outside but not me? Sometimes I don't even know why I bother showing up to court anymore.
←Rate | 12-01-2011 00:45 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon if this toaster thinks setting 3 is "burn to a crisp and light on fire", I don't even want to know what setting 6 does.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 22:13 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon come up with a new drink: Nyquil on the rocks. It's for when you feel sick but still want to be social.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 22:11 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon facebook needs to add "still bangin my ex" as a relationship status option
←Rate | 02-13-2012 22:06 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon There’s no such thing as a non-terrifying Easter bunny costume.
←Rate | 04-03-2017 00:13 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have yourself a merry little christmas sounds pretty condescending - Jennifer Lopez
←Rate | 12-15-2018 13:50 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon An optimist is the dude who yells out "Wet t-shirt contest!" during the sinking of the Titanic.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 22:10 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon You act like I was drinking alone...but I had the entire Verizon network with me
←Rate | 04-27-2012 05:13 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they're taking it out of their cars too?
←Rate | 05-29-2013 17:22 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon With fewer toothpaste choices on the market now, maybe those 5 dentists can finally agree.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 05:11 by Zinc Comments (0)  




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