truman Funny Status Messages

   If you don't need to change your shirt after eating a hot dog you're not doing it right!

   "What's the new baby's name?" "We don't know..we can't understand a word he says!"

   My piano playing must be improving, as my neighbours have broken all my windows so they can hear me better!!

   British PhD student Matthew Hedges has been pardoned in the United Arab Emirates! All he has to do is visit the Embassy to pick up his papers!

   Pictures of missing rich kids should go on the back of skimmed-milk!

   "Damn, this is going to get ugly" I thought, as my wife removed her makeup!

   If I were any more hungry right now, Madonna would adopt me!

   I noticed that the killer crocodile had an 80s dude on his shirt pocket!

   I hope aliens don't land in the next few years, because this is a really embarrassing time for humanity!

   Anyone want some staples? Hold your hands out!..[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[....enough?

   stairs are always up to something...

   Tried oscillating today! Not a fan!

   The blow up doll guy! You can tell jokes about anything you know? Though Trump gags may get removed!

   Angela Merkel isn't convinced about the reputations of Trump and Weinstein..she says she's never been touched up by either of them!

   onions $2.98, wooden sticks $3.50, cellophane $5.00 handing out caramel covered onions for halloween priceless

   I often worry that mankind is going to start world war III solely because we enjoy trilogies

   In 1984 a light aircraft killed a jogger while making an emergency landing on a South Carolina beach.. which is why I don't jog!!

   For a ski team, these guys in the 7-11 sure have a lot of guns!

   Just helping someone find the chocolates I ate yesterday!

   I went on a cycling holiday last year, and it was exhausting! If I do it again I think I'm going for a smaller caravan!