jitney Funny Status Messages

   I hate it when the cashier asks me a stupid question like. "Are you buying all of these?", "No B!@tch!!, I'm stealing, just wanted to show you first!"

   I cannot believe Monday got the audacity to be tomorrow..

   There will be a huge demand on all European hair this week! So buy stock and shares in hair!

   Today at work the Boss asks me to start my presentation with a joke, On the 1st slide was a copy of my paycheck!!

   RIP the great #NelsonMandela. Morgan Freeman played you in a film & now you will meet God. Also played by Morgan Freeman.

   You wanna know whats more expensive then Milk and Gas.....Ink! Instead of buying ink for my wireless printer, I mightest well buy a new printer at the rate these prices are going!

   Pringles - The only chip company in the world, that doesn't sell air!

   Either I'm seriously drunnk or gas prices are high again.... I just got pulled over by a cop on a horse!

   How come i'm your best friend all of a sudden when you need money? but you dont remember when I needed a ride?

   I realized I'm too silly for most sex things. My wife was like, "I want you to throw me around in the bedroom" , I was like, "How bout you run around and I trip you!".....I figure its safer for the both of us.

   Here's a TIP: Never ask a woman what's wrong and never not ask her either.

   "So whose the Doctor who overdose Whitney Houston and how many years he getting?", says Dr Conrad.......

   Imagining the horrified look on your kid's face when you tell them "When I was born there was no internet".

   $60,000 was stollen from a WholesFood store in NY early this yr. Luckily Wholes Food will make that money back with the next batch of apples they sell.

   I met a Spanish man with a Rubber toe......his name was Roberto

   "Trust Me When I say Anyone can DANCE!!!!!" - Jack Daniels

   Vampires beware!!!! Blade has been released!!!!

   Its not enough to just be in a relationship, now you have to state what type too? FB is out of control!!! What the heck is a open domestic partnership? That's just pimping ....

   George Zimmerman has been back and forth to jail for murder, battery, gun charges and now assault and Still keeps getting bail!?!? The Florida justice system is an embarrassment

   How about they make a film that makes these ppl give us free oil?