jdpower Funny Status Messages

   Experts say the snake that escaped from the Bronx Zoo may be seeking its natural habitat ..and is heading for Wall St.

   How much would it suck if your name was really "Ed Hardy"?

   Sometimes I hear music so bad that I think the government should also enforce a five-day waiting period for buying a guitar.

   We can forgive Ireland's $70 billion debt. But we must never forgive them for Riverdance.

   A life vest - protects you from drowning. A bullet proof vest - protects from bullets. A sweater vest - protects you from dating.

   In Vegas, Charlie Sheen was hanging out with 3 porn stars.. Good to see he's trying to cut back.

   Car dealerships greatly over-estimate the allure of tents.

   Oprah embraces her half sister & brings her into the family. Tomorrow, I will be showing up as long lost brother - JD Winfrey

   We may be falling behind China in some ways, but our underground drug tunnels are second to none. USA!!

   Alcohol doesn't solve any problems; but then again, neither does milk.

   I wanna be a workaholic.. but workahol tastes like sh!t

   No one will be making fun of Chaz Bono, when Nancy Grace has a wardrobe malfunction on Dancing with the Stars and her Johnson pops out.

   ‎"Every kiss begins with Kay." But for second base and beyond, go with Tiffany.

   According to Apple, 300,000 people did not have sex this weekend.

   Cool slogan for the new Facebook movie: "See it with someone you never talked to in high school."

   "Chicken of the Sea" is both a delicious brand of tuna.. and the best way to insult a pirate.

   BP says their latest cleanup technique is called a "Dirty Sanchez." I don't want details.

   The BP spill is now officially the worst spill in history.. surpassing Monica Lewinsky's dress.

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't.. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my grandfather.

   NFL Update: Favre Reports Stiffness.