eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   Just bought formula. Babies would be cheaper if they ran on gas!

   You would think that the 4 page instructions/warnning packet for Adderall, would include narritive pictures.

   I hear teaching Geography is where it is at these days!

   Has a theory: If grocery stores just paint the cart returns with handicap blue and build it out of curbing. Then everyone would put their buggies there!

   Stevie Wonder's nephew was charged with trying to extort his famous uncle....I guess Stevie never saw that coming!

   ‎*disclamer* no animals were harmed in the crafting of this status update. Stunt doubles were substituted and all theories were tested on a closed course.

   My mood ring isn't a fashion statement. It is a court order!

   Caught a flounder in my crab trap....What a fluke.

   Ladies......I am rebound material!

   I just cut a coupon for Adderall off the back of a box of Lucky Charms.

   Taking my car to get fixed today. I don't need a bunch of little car mouths to feed!

   At the rate I am coughing, I expect a "Six Pack" or an "Brain Aneurysm" buy the end of the week!

   I am rotating the tire on my unicycle!

   I spend 500% of my life exaggerating!

   #1 I am sorry to break this to you baby but you are not #1. you are not even #10. To be honest I don't think you even made the speed dial list! However, you will always be my favorite Grandma!

   I want to be a comedian so bad but I am afraid they will all laugh at me!

   After only one date, I knew her "emotional closet" was a walk in!

   I am that little chocolate you find when you least expect it and need it the most!!

   enjoying the sounds of a 2 year old having a meltdown...so soothing

   I want to be famous and make a cure that saves tens of people!