Thejoke.cafe Funny Status Messages

   Filled the tank up with petrol today. Now all the fish are dead.

   I can't believe so many Americans from the Bible Belt plan to vote for Trump. If he gets to build his wall, he'll be keeping Jesus out of the country.

   The most used electrical appliance in the wife’s kitchen is the smoke alarm.

   America’s policy of shooting first and asking questions later has always been their downfall. I mean, just think how useful King Kong could have been on September the 11th.

   Sticker given to Trump supporters at the polls: "I Voted" Sticker given to Hillary supporters at the polls: "I Rigged"

   What is the biggest city in America ? Obesity.

   Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.

   I was telling my wife how my New Years resolution is to try and be a happier person. “That’s lovely” she said, giving me a hug. “I’m glad you think so” I replied. “Your bag’s by the front door”.

   I think Christmas must be near, The bin man said good morning to me.

   Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample ovee others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

   Carrie Fisher was found unconscious by a relative,who tried to revive her with chest compressions. Unfortunately, the force wasn't strong enough.