JEBI Funny Status Messages

   Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.

   The only footsteps I would follow are those of a landmine deactivation technician...

   If your status update has been edited, there is a 95% chance I will browse through your mistakes before I read the actual update...

   "Hi I'm Kayne West! I survive on your attention. Give me your attention. Hey where you going...I need you attention..."

   Does anyone know how much water I'm supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?

   Ya know, "American Pie" ruined it for any kid who really did have an amazing story about band camp.

   Sorry sir...but your wife didn't make it.. ) : Was it*sniff*...lack of prayers on facebook? D : Yes sir...i'm afraid it was... ( ._.)

   I will do a lot of things but admitting I'm cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn't one of them...

   Putting Vodka in my juice because it's Russia somewhere...

   What's brown and rhymes with snoop?.......................Dr Dre.

   I've seen enough episodes of "Cops" to know that you should avoid all people with blurry faces....

   I think Miley's tongue is trying to escape...

   So you think you can fly a plane would be a fun show to watch...

   After putting up xmas lights last night I'm wondering why no one hasn't opened up a business that untangles xmas lights...

   Mitt Romney's campaign slogan, 'Keep America American,' the same as a phrase used by the KKK? Interesting...

   People in Vimy Ridge would say otherwise about the resolve and bravery of Canadians...

   I just saved a bunch of money on my sons college education by introducing him to weed...

   Why do you Americans have to involve race in everything? Leave it to the media to put ideas into your minds. The country/world will never know peace until we start referring to each other as human beings. One Love...

   Heard Dominos is coming out with a pizza in honour of Tom Brady...one half of its covered and its called the "incomplete"...

   My wife and I didn't know the handles on the mattress are to MOVE it!! We've been totally misusing them this whole time!