Hot Tea Funny Status Messages

   I have so many "get into heaven points" from so many people "praying for me" to "save my soul" that I can safely cause hell on earth.

   as "Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE), "Radioactive UnWORK Medicine"(RUM), "Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter"(BEER) or "Vaccine Official Depression Killing Antigen"(VODKA). Please re-post to raise awareness."

   The combination of wet-phlegm laryngitis and requesting Mucinex D from the pharmacist produced comedic results that cannot be cleanly reproduced on Facebook.

   How is it my cat is only one foot tall but his azz is always at eye level?

   A box of poptarts to any one that can find my underwear.

   one question: Exactly how long are your parents going to hide your acceptance letter from Hogwarts?

   It's so hot out... the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

   Please note that I have obtained Mad Swagger.

   It's funny to me when people say all blondes are dumb because not all guys are blondes!?!?!

   Not surprisingly, slow-cooked Leprechauns taste just like corned beef!

   pulled over by the cops and they asked me if I had been drinking. I asked, "Why, is there a fat girl in the back?" He said, "Nope, there's two." I said, "Well, I guess I have!"

   the definition of Door: What my dog is perpetually on the wrong side of!

   an angel. When someone breaks my wings, I simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. I am flexible.

   suffers occasional delusions of adequacy.

   Happy first Sunday following the full moon that occurs on or following the Vernal Equinox!

   thinking of practicing random acts. Curb your excitement and hold your applause, I never said they were going to be "of kindness"...just random.

   My boyfriend doesn't like bacon. I like him a lot, but I don't know how much longer we're going to last.

   I wonder if I'll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at every guy on the job and saying, “This thing is broken!!!” (for us females!!! :)

   I am doing a hook rug of Bart Simpson. I REFUSE to use black and yellow. (Pittsburgh SUCKS!) Instead I am using Brown and Orange. (Die hard BROWNS fan!) Bart is ending up looking like Snookie.

   Call me insensitive but I'm going ahead and declaring Art Modell's passing as the Browns first win this season. 1-0 baby!