Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages

   Understanding is what allows someone like me to tolerate someone like you.

   Did you hear the joke about the cure for COVID19? It's a riot.

   C'mon Lotto! I just want to be rich enough for Morgan Freeman to follow me around and narrate my life in real time.

   When I said I'd do anything for you I meant fight bad guys or slay dragons...not vacuum or do the dishes.

   Magic Mike...50 Shades of Grey...I knew I should have bought stock in Duracell this year.

   The difference between fetish and felony is googling ahead of time.

   Remember the participation trophies kids? They grew up and are burning our cities, tearing statues, offended over everything.

   Sometimes I stay awake at night wondering… How long did it take Cinderella and the Prince to realize you can’t base a relationship on shoe size.

   General Public: We can't pay rent or the mortgage. Media: LOOK!! The orange haired guy said CHINESE VIRUS again!!

   It's almost impossible to find a good cream pie recipe on the internet that doesn't involve getting naked first.

   Bought a new trampoline and took me 2 hrs to set it up. All the wife could say afterwards was "uhm...where's our bed?" That's gratitude for ya!

   Since the medica frowns on using the term "Chinese virus" or "Kung Flu", please use the following instead: Wuhan Weezer, Boomer Doomer, or the Holocough.

   My dentist said I needed a crown. I was like “I KNOW RIGHT??”

   I'm at that age where if I hear a strange noise downstairs I'm too lazy to go investigate it and just think "Well I had a good run".

   My potatoes bring all the Irish to the yard and they're like, that famine was hard.

   It's Valentine's Day so I'm spending time with my true love...yes I'm in the garage.

   I always thought laughter was the best medicine...which is probably why so many of my patients died and I bombed out of med school.

   Feeling cute...might buy a goalie mask and go camping later...I dunno. #FridayThe13th.

   Went for a romantic walk in the woods last night. Well, I called it romantic. She called it stalking.

   I think I'm going to change my kids' middle names to "DANGER" just so they can tell people Danger is their middle name...YEAH BABY!!