Cj Funny Status Messages

   Dear Customers, Yes, we are making fun of you in Vietnamese. Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies!!

   Summer is the season when a man thinks he can cook better on an outdoor grill than his wife can on an indoor stove

   •Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

   Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

   Never steal. The government hates competition.

   The hardest part about business is minding your own.

   Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

   With all do respect to Whitney (may she RIP), why did she not fix her child's teeth!!

   No more b!tch pills for YOU miss crabby A$$

   There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

   Your face isn't a coloring book. Chill on the makeup!!

   Earthquake in Mexico. 50,000 dead. England sending money, France sending food, US sending Replacement Mexicans. Pack your sh!t up, you're going home.

   When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

   When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

   If you saw me in the back of a police car, what would you assume put me there?

   Dear Yellow Pages delivery guy, Could you please just deliver those to my recycle bin......it'll save me a step.

   I must confess...I want to get back with my ex..LOL just kidding! I would rather Sh*t in my hand and clap!!!

   At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture in there.

   Why can't Horatio Caine figure out Dexter Morgan is a serial killer?

   If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.