Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My wish for 2023 is that nothing unprecedented, historic, or once in a lifetime happens.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 13:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twitter files released. MSM: “What files? ~ Space Man Bad”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 16:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Using your turn signal is not “giving information to the enemy.”
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Counting to ten only makes it premeditated.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 01:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are two kinds of people: Those who do whatever they’re told, no matter what. And, people who will do what is right, no matter what they are told. 😉
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m going to need some of you guys to start getting weirder, I cannot keep pulling all the weight like this. 😏
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wonder if the skulls of your enemies are dishwasher safe. Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just watched someone who bought a dozen eggs without even checking them first. Talk about an unhinged wealth flex. 🙄
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from food, not relationships.
←Rate | 04-11-2022 02:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alien: I found this, (picks up cat) it’s vibrating.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 00:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a twenty-minute jog. Now I’m sitting at the park, laughing at all the joggers.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 01:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Got a new book: “How to pretend to be normal.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:24 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has decided to be fully delusional this year and see where that takes me. Because, being sensible hasn’t gleaned the results I’m looking for.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeah, you’re made of star stuff, but so is garbage, so calm down.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 02:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At the store: “OMG haven’t seen you in forever! Let’s stand in everyone’s way!”
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2020 We aren’t allowed to go in public. 2022 We can’t afford to go in public.
←Rate | 06-19-2022 02:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are you listening to broken headphones? So, people don’t talk to me.
←Rate | 04-20-2022 12:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If they say it’s impossible, it’s impossible for them, not for you.
←Rate | 04-22-2022 23:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Old computer games couldn’t be won, they just got harder and faster until you died. Just like in real life.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:40 Comments (0)  

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