Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I’d like to thank my middle finger, for all those times sticking up for me when I needed it the most.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What does the sign on the out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we’re closed.
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is only one way to avoid criticism: Say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing.
←Rate | 06-27-2022 03:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s time for the 99% of us who are not offended by everything to quit catering to the 1% who are.
←Rate | 06-30-2022 01:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part about driving a Hummer, is trying to find your wiener when you go pee-pee.
←Rate | 07-01-2022 01:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I grew up with six siblings. That's how I learned to dance, waiting for the bathroom.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 23:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I didn’t reply for 45 days. Lol What’s up?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please don’t ride with me if you’re going to grab the dash and scream every time I run off the road. It makes me nervous.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like staying home, because as soon as I step outside, I spend $100.00
←Rate | 01-08-2023 01:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dads tell cheesy jokes not because humor gets worse with age, but because the more life experience you have, the more value you place on anything that might make someone laugh, even if it’s at your own expense.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This recipe calls for leftover bacon, and it might as well call for dragon tenderloin or bigfoot steaks.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whistleblower comes forward with claims that strangers drag him from place to place, make him sign papers, read words on monitors and he hardly gets any ice cream.
←Rate | 05-22-2022 03:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An idea: “Broke Back Mountain 2” all female cast. This would smash all box office records.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was born a male and I identify as a male, but according to Stouffers portions, I'm a family of four.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jurassic World is about a pharma company that uses a DNA-altering pathogen to destroy farmland and deliberately cause a worldwide food crisis to force everyone to buy their products. Science Fiction is Fun!
←Rate | 06-20-2022 03:31 Comments (0)  




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