Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
←Rate | 12-22-2017 17:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a hipster wearing socks because it’s so cold.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 05:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:43 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
←Rate | 01-13-2018 11:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey here is something I learned and wanted to pass along -- you can donate to the Hurricane Relief fund and not tell anyone.
←Rate | 09-27-2017 00:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won't ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
←Rate | 09-23-2017 23:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Buying Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, is like paying back for all the free Halloween candy I got when I was a kid.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:58 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon my theory: every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
←Rate | 10-12-2017 06:02 by andrewjackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating site for pyromaniacs: Match.com
←Rate | 10-19-2017 19:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Say what you want about Pee Wee Herman. At least hes one actor that actually kept his hands to himself.
←Rate | 12-03-2017 23:23 Comments (2)  


   messageicon The far right and the far left are both extremes and should be condemned equally.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 05:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hardest part about watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" at this point is realizing I am one of the wah-wah-wah adults
←Rate | 10-19-2017 23:42 Comments (4)  


   messageicon Even looking at LinkedIn's logo can result in an unsolicited email.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 06:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since the 2nd amendment gives me the right to bear arms. I cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.
←Rate | 12-17-2017 00:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
←Rate | 12-30-2017 21:09 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My cat has a fun new game called Catch & Release.. It catches the mice outside and brings them into the house and releases them.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 12:06 by Mic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Music is much more enjoyable if you listen with your eyes shut. It is also more enjoyable if the people sitting near you would listen with their mouths shut
←Rate | 12-08-2017 04:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's better to be kissed by a fool than to be fooled by a kiss.
←Rate | 12-15-2017 13:59 by @BlackieBino1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is the first good sized snow fall of the season and honestly the weather on TV is acting like the terrorism threat levels just moved up a two.
←Rate | 12-24-2017 18:21 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant
←Rate | 01-02-2018 02:38 by Jake Comments (0)  



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