Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 4 of 6353

   messageicon Old computer games couldn’t be won, they just got harder and faster until you died. Just like in real life.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 18:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tell your girl to shave her baby maker and you wake up bald.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 01:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just heard my knee crack so loud, I expected it to glow in the dark.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 13:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing brings more peace, when you stop giving a f*ck.
←Rate | 01-18-2023 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you had a scratch and sniff map of the world, what would your current location smell like?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We often clean our homes when people are coming over so we can maintain the façade of a clean house that we’ve seen from going to other people’s homes who clean their house to maintain the façade of having a clean house.
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don’t do stupid things while you’re young, you’ll have nothing to laugh about when you’re old.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Child: I learned a joke at school. Me: Okay, let’s hear it. Child: What goes in stiff, but comes out soft? Me: Child: Me: Child: Me: Is it a- Wife comes running in from another room: IT’S SPAGHETTI! SPAGHETTI!
←Rate | 01-13-2023 02:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One way to be hospitable, is to help visitors know when it’s time to leave.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don’t lose friends. You lose undercover haters. Real friends can never be lost.
←Rate | 01-07-2023 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s safe to unplug your Christmas lights until next year.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 00:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tommy Lee Jones ~ always has a look on his face, like his son just told him that he wants to ride unicycles professionally.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have now started asking humans to prove they are not a robot.
←Rate | 05-18-2022 21:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part of winter is when it’s over.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn’t feel like I’m getting older. It’s more like my warranty has expired.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 00:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My fitness trainer asked what kind of squats I’m accustomed to doing. I said, Diddly.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 01:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Humans: Dear God, please let 2023 be a good one…. God: You guys are still alive?
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:18 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left