SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Shouldn't they just put Harriet Tubman's face on EBT cards???
←Rate | 04-24-2016 12:46 by SEAN Comments (3)  


   messageicon Eating chocolate pudding from a diaper is a great way to get a whole row to yourself at the movies.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 13:06 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess one of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
←Rate | 04-12-2016 13:04 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 13:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 11:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish anger burned more calories.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 11:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alarm system? Yeah right. I'll defend my home the way my ancestors would have. A series of large painted portraits with peepholes for eyes.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 11:16 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon You will NEVER see a person with Tourette's syndrome on the bomb squad.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 10:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because I pretty much just burnt down my whole house...
←Rate | 03-18-2016 12:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never seen anyone vaping in a car that didn't have at least three dents in it.
←Rate | 03-18-2016 12:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon the good news is the doctor says I'm healthy as a horse, the bad news is she still uses large farm animals to describe me....
←Rate | 02-29-2016 06:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can only assume the next 4 weeks are incredibly difficult for people who's grandmother's were actually run over by reindeer. ..
←Rate | 12-02-2015 06:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got all my Christmas gifts bought early this year, hope everyone likes Halloween costumes-
←Rate | 10-14-2015 15:26 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate snakes, mainly because they have no feet- you could say I am lack-toes intolerant...
←Rate | 10-14-2015 14:32 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 14:09 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Middle East and Kim Kardashian's a$$ have a lot in common. Both are massive, have tons of oil, and have been invaded by the West.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 13:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our lazy neighbor cant even rake his yard without clutching his chest and falling down...
←Rate | 10-14-2015 13:35 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I'm living in their attic...
←Rate | 10-14-2015 13:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon told my wife that the doctor put me on a new exercise program that requires me to walk 3 miles a day, she said good next week you'll be 21 miles away...
←Rate | 09-28-2015 23:05 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon So if Bruce/Catline Jenner goes missing, will they put the picture on a carton of Half & Half?
←Rate | 07-22-2015 10:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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