snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Felt good to get back to work after the long holiday and get back to my regular pooping schedule.
←Rate | 12-02-2016 22:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI: It should be illegal to play a doorbell sound on TV... Or a siren in a song on the radio
←Rate | 11-30-2016 17:14 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon WIFE: You forgot to turn the TV off last night [flashback to me leaving it on so the dog could finish watching Shrek].... ME: No I didn't
←Rate | 11-30-2016 00:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *rides off into the sunset...... *rides back to get SPF 50 sunblock....... *rides off into the sunset......
←Rate | 11-29-2016 13:26 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't just be part of the couch.... Be the couch.
←Rate | 11-29-2016 11:20 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh and BTW, ,, Why haven't Pig Pen's parents been visited by child services yet?
←Rate | 11-23-2016 19:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got back from a cannibal Thanksgiving get together. ..... I had a ball.
←Rate | 11-23-2016 19:13 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon "What do we want?"... "Hearing aids."... "When do we want them?".... "Hearing aids."
←Rate | 11-23-2016 19:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *at starbucks.. ME: Can I take some wifi home with me?... BARISTA: Um,,, sure?.... ME: (holds tupperware container in the air & closes lid) ... Thanks.
←Rate | 11-20-2016 17:09 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *God creating dogs,, GOD: These will be great companions for people... ANGEL: An excellent creation sir... GOD: But better than people.. Just, WAY better... esp. during election season
←Rate | 11-20-2016 07:47 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cashier: Your total is $2,334.00... Me: Can you take off the avocado?... Cashier: Okay, that will be $2.00.
←Rate | 11-19-2016 20:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't wait to give my family a touch of salmonella next week
←Rate | 11-19-2016 14:29 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon LITTLE KNOWN FACT: After the umbilical cord has been cut,, a nurse spanks the baby for being uninsured.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 21:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Tom Brady accused of deflating again in Macy's Day Parade
←Rate | 11-18-2016 18:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm glad Alfac has a float in the #MacysThanksgivingDayParade... Little kids should always be reminded to buy supplemental health insurance.
←Rate | 11-18-2016 18:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad's decided to NOT move to Canada,,, He says he's "Angry",,, but not, "Learn the Metric System" angry..
←Rate | 11-18-2016 18:13 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sir it would appear that you have sugar poisoning.... "You mean Diabetes?".. Ooh look at me, I'm a patient that knows all the diseases, ooh
←Rate | 11-17-2016 22:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can you say you like Maroon-5 ??.... Did you even try Maroons' 1 through 4 ??
←Rate | 11-17-2016 17:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
←Rate | 11-16-2016 20:21 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My alone time is sometimes for your safety."
←Rate | 11-15-2016 17:42 by snotty Comments (0)  



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