joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm pretty sure "No strings attached" is guy code for "I'm emotionally retarded, but your vagina sounds neat!"
←Rate | 07-12-2010 16:57 by Joser Comments (3)  


   messageicon Hey, someone finally won! Celebrate irresponsibly.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're OCD and you know it, wash your hands.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, when I feel optimistic about the future of mankind, I go read the comments on YouTube and it brings me right back to reality.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if my boss was more fun and carefree in his youth, when his name was Anakin.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wedding card selection at this store blows. Lots of "Congrats" and "Best wishes" but no "I still question your sexuality" anywhere.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Hamster has a developed an issue. He slides money out of my wallet and eats it. Seriously! $40 this week, so far. Renaming him "Government".
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:37 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex is a lot like air..You don't realize how bad you need it until you don't have it.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:37 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Meeting an old friend for drinks after work. Hope he doesn't bring up that Farmville invite I ignored.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:36 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know who sucks Aggressive drivers. And cowardly drivers. And slow drivers. And drivers who are not me.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:36 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, the Mayans were close-- Oprah goes off the air in 2011.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:35 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon This Halloween I'll be a banker. I'll eat all my candy, all yours, then convince the government that if I don't get more candy we all starve.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:35 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life coach just benched me.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:34 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The smaller the dog, the crazier the chick.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:34 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do not have attention deficit disorder. I have what you're saying is boring the sh*t out of me disorder.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:34 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon efore deciding whether you will stay up all night, you should sleep on it.
←Rate | 07-11-2010 15:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hangovers are for people foolish enough to stop drinking.
←Rate | 07-11-2010 15:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a girl in a regular wheelchair holding onto her boyfriend's motorized wheelchair. Dude, she's totally using you!!
←Rate | 07-11-2010 11:55 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
←Rate | 07-11-2010 11:55 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're 17 and your 200 year old lover won't turn you into a vampire so you can be together forever, he's just not that into you... Take the hint you dumn b*tch...
←Rate | 07-11-2010 11:54 by Joser Comments (1)  




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