SEAN Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon For her birthday she told me to get her something she could use, She must not of liked the Summers Eve, I havent heard from her in days
←Rate | 04-04-2011 13:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon the one thing that annoys me about Disney films is that inanimate objects don't break out into song and dance nowhere near as much as they do in the films and when they do no one else is around to see. 
←Rate | 04-05-2011 12:13 by Sean Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have decided that if I ever win the lottery I am going to hire a Rabbi, a Priest and a Minister to follow me around to the bars.
←Rate | 04-06-2011 17:04 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon was at a house recently of some people I didn't like when life afforded me the opportunity to empty their bottle of sexual lubrication and replace it with hand sanitizer, On the bright side they should be 99.9% Germ free
←Rate | 04-12-2011 08:03 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon A cop with a drug sniffing dog said to me "This dog tells me you're on drugs." I said "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs
←Rate | 04-13-2011 09:12 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
←Rate | 04-14-2011 08:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever have one of those days when your keys kicked your ass at a game of hide and seek?
←Rate | 04-15-2011 09:08 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon My divorce judge told me I needed to supply my xwife with a vehicle, I just UPSD'd her a broom
←Rate | 04-20-2011 14:30 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did anybody ever end up getting Jay-Z a what what? I think he also asked for a woop woop
←Rate | 04-22-2011 13:26 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon My neighbor is having such a hard time, he was divorced 2 months ago and then broke his wrist this week- I told him look at the bright side, now you can change your relationship from single to its complicated
←Rate | 04-28-2011 08:52 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I started to worry about my future, so I bought a ton of stock in my company, now I worry about the work I am putting out :/
←Rate | 04-29-2011 07:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Good men of this country fought and died to defend my right not to care about British royalty
←Rate | 04-29-2011 10:17 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon They deployed on Osama the minute he "checked in" to the mansion.... Well played Facebook.......
←Rate | 05-02-2011 03:29 by Sean Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just found out my "Sleep Number" is good Old Number 7 good ole Jack Daniels
←Rate | 05-05-2011 11:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its taken me 20 some odd years to figure out who was the favorite child, until I went to my moms basement last week and found a box labled Sean's bath toys- It was a radio and toaster..
←Rate | 05-06-2011 08:12 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon They call mens shaving cream "Beard buster" so why dont they call womens shaving cream "Bush buster"?
←Rate | 05-09-2011 08:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I grew up I cussed so much that for a while I thought that soap was actually one of the four food groups
←Rate | 05-10-2011 08:09 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thanks to the ac its so cold in my office that even the girls in my nudy calendar are getting T.H.O's
←Rate | 05-10-2011 11:13 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of people make fun of the stuff Glenn Beck says. But don't forget he also has a really stupid face
←Rate | 05-11-2011 11:11 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Can someone tell me why there is braille on the drive thru ATM machine....Am I missing something here
←Rate | 05-12-2011 13:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  

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